Yesterday, someone passively asked me, “Michael, how you doing?”
“Snazzy, how about you?” was my reply.
That was momentous. I’ve only started attaching the word “snazzy” to myself for the past few days. (I, of course, have wished snazzy upon others for quite some time.) To attach it to me and how I feel has rarely been the case for the past 19 months.
Oh, and I’ve caught myself joyfully whistling while walking my pup, Franco.
I don’t want to overstate my condition. My wife wisely tells me to take it one day at a time. But it bears repeating: I’ve had a string of 17 good days.
This is not to say that everything is perfect. One day I forgot to take my afternoon meds. I and my mood paid for that for a short period of time. Mornings, if I forget to take some of my meds right after waking up — this, as I’ve reported before, makes for a couple hours of Anxiety and all the physical body pains that come with that.
But way, way, way for the most part, life has felt normal. My moods have matched the situations that I’ve been in … and that’s all that someone suffering from chronic bouts with Depression and Anxiety wants: to be happy when times call for happiness; to accept sadness when times are sad; and to be excited when there are things to be jazzed about.
That’s basically been me for the past 17 days.
I’ve described some about how I’ve gotten here. However, I also need to extend thanks to my mental health med doctor for helping me find the right meds and then for listening to my suggestions for tweaks as I’ve felt better with each incremental change.
I also need to thank my therapist. She’s given me many tools to get ahead of Anxiety and a number more of coping mechanisms when Anxiety takes ahold of me. This has made for shorter and more bearable bouts with Anxiety now and then.
And I deserve to be proud of myself. I’ve been very up front with both my doctor and therapist about what’s been working, and what has not. I’ve played a very active role in my recovery.
As a result and after a long time and effort to reach this state of mental health, I’d say that my bouts with Anxiety are less frequent, less disabling, and occur for shorter periods of time. And this knowledge — along with the successful coping mechanisms — has meant I’ve been able to weather the physical impediments that accompany Anxiety.
Quite often I am fine — even snazzy. And when I am not, I know how to reduce Anxiety’s impact and know that the whole day need not be ruined by a blip of my mood disorder.
Now, I know everyone who suffers can reach where I am right now. In fact, there was a time a little over a month ago that my doctor and I believed I had reached the best I could expect, which would have meant a much deeper conflict with Anxiety, because (as my doctor has said many times), “some people are just anxious.”
I was prepared to eventually accept that. But before doing so, I am proud I suggested that one last tweak to my meds. My doctor accepted my thought out suggestion, and here I am: moods that often match the situations I am in and sometimes even snazzy.
I like snazzy.