Posted on 13 October 2017 by Michael Dahl

Med experiment begins with success, ends with partial failure.

Perpetual tiredness and less than sharp reactions to stimuli have become part of my norm. This is the trade-off I’m saddled with to get to experience less Anxiety on a regular basis. That said, for the past several months there’s been less ambient stress in my life.

So I decided to do a one week experiment. With my mental health med doctor’s approval, I am allowed to tinker with one of my meds — I take several — based on how I’m feeling. For even more months than the reduction in ambient stress, I’ve been on a consistent med mix that has allowed me to start most of my days in a decent place — that being no- to low-Anxiety.

Last weekend I decided to start off my day with half the dosage I regularly take of the med I’m allowed to play with. For the first couple days I could tell I was more alert, and I really liked that. But as the days progressed, the Anxiety I felt at the beginning of each day increased. And for the past couple days, I’ve awoken at 2:30 am with my heart racing with every thought that could be blown out of proportion having done so.

The current situation is unsustainable. And so this morning, at 4 am — a regular time for me to wake up because of my regular med mix — I switched back to the prior dosage I’d been taking for months. This will mean a switch back to the tiredness throughout the day and slowed response to stimuli.

I am quite angry.

I am trying not to direct that anger at myself … trying to just be angry at my demon named Anxiety. And then let It go.

But that’s easier said than done.

I guess if there’s one positive take away, it’s that I could probably take the reduced dosage on select days when I really want to be on my game. I’ll ponder that as I stew in tiredness.