To be alert and anxious or calm and tired all the time.

I’m stuck. I’m stuck in a situation many people who take medications for Anxiety find themselves in: to be alert and anxious or calm and tired. (As my mental health med doctor says, “It’s all a cost-benefit analysis.”)

A little over a week ago I reported that I had tinkered with a medication I take (doctor approved) to see if I could make myself less tired and more alert. The experiment resulted in the desired impact; however, it also led me to starting my day with low- to mid-level Anxiety, unpegged to triggers or daily circumstances. By the end of one week, I decided to go back to my regular med usage — tired, but calm.

However, now that I know what both situations feel like, and I am stuck in the calm tiredness that makes my reactions to certain situations slower than I would like, I’m wondering if I made the right choice. The calm but tired place also tempers my reactions to truly bad and truly exciting things in the world. And, I don’t want my reactions to regular world circumstances to seem or feel unnatural.

As I said, I’m stuck.

But wait. There’s more. While the tinkering had the above impacts, when I switched back to the old regiment, it took a couple days for the deep tiredness to set in. This even though the meds I tinker with are only supposed to have an impact for 4 to 6 hours. (I take the meds my doctor says I can tinker with three times a day — once at full dosage, twice at half.)

All this has me wondering if I should only take half dosages on the weekends and the regular combination on weekdays. Would this result in the desired impact? I dunno.

I’m curious, dear readers — both those who suffer from Anxiety and those who don’t — what would you do? Would you choose to lose some sensitization to keep Anxiety a bit more in check, or have to work to tamp Anxiety down in order to feel things more?