Author: Michael

Posted on 5 January 2016 by Michael

A little Anxiety Assessment in prep for doc visit

Next week I check in with my mental health med doctor after a couple of months of my responsibility to stay stable and tweak my augmentation meds as needed. I figure now is a good time to do a little assessment, consider recommendations I’d like to make, and put on my radar aspects of my Read More

Posted on 27 December 2015 by Michael

Anxiety & Depression make 2015 complicated year.

It’s hard to say I’d wish away a year of my life when I reached a weight I’ve been trying to reach since my mid-twenties. This year I lost 21 pounds; the year before, another 21; and for several years before that I slowly shed the 18 pounds that once had me at 200 pounds. Read More

Posted on 2 December 2015 by Michael

I hate my bully, Anxiety. Surprise panic attack hits.

Yesterday I sat in my car, idling in park for 15 minutes. Some of the time I was crying; some of the time I was just staring blankly into space trying to calm my mind. About an hour earlier I had experienced a full-blown panic attack in the company of others. I’m pretty sure I Read More

Posted on 1 December 2015 by Michael

find the right doctor and therapist

A mental health doctor who prescribes medications tries to find the right med (or med cocktail) that allows your moods to fit the situations you are in, not find a med (mix) that elates or numbs you regardless of the life circumstance. And my educated (and experiential) guess about mental health therapy is that it’s Read More

Posted on 24 November 2015 by Michael

Gratitude reduces anxiety, improves mood, deepens friendships.

It’s the week of Thanksgiving: a holiday that reminds us to express gratitude, to give thanks. I actually see Thanksgiving not as a simple reminder. I see it as a commandment of sorts. With all that is mean and wrong and difficult in this world, we would all be better if we found more time Read More

Posted on 18 November 2015 by Michael

“Surprise!” screams a Panic Attack.

I have had a string of really good days. Let’s get that out of the way first. To begin with I believe the augmentation drug my doctor prescribed me is working. Generally — NOT FRICKIN’ RIGHT NOW — but generally my Anxiety levels have been lessening over the past couple weeks. And I think I’ve Read More

Posted on 8 November 2015 by Michael

another tactic to outwit Anxiety

A little over a week ago I posted eight somewhat-successful tactics (for me) to outwit Anxiety. The tactics ranged from going on the offense by beginning the day with exercise to get endorphins — chemicals that both help fight pain and trigger feelings of awesomeness — swimming through my body … all the way to Read More

Posted on 31 October 2015 by Michael

a handful tactics to outwit Anxiety

I’ll admit it. I find a post about tactics to outwit Anxiety a bit awkward. To the ignorant ear, such techniques may make it sound like you can simply “snap out of” your mental illness. That would be a terrible impression for me to make. Just as you can’t will away cancer and you can’t Read More

Posted on 31 October 2015 by Michael

doctor surprises me with a med tweak

Today, I’m writing two posts about dealing with Anxiety.  This one is about a little surprise my mental health doctor recommended two days ago.  She suggested we augment my current mental health medication to test whether I can lessen the Anxiety that still bullies me daily. A little later I will also share a post on Read More

Posted on 9 October 2015 by Michael

the day after an anxiety-filled day

My head hurts.  My muscles hurt.  And nearly all my nerve endings feel like nubs experiencing something between fatigue and pain. Yesterday was one of those days.  Yesterday, Anxiety followed me everywhere.  Okay, actually, It fully occupied my brain and body … everywhere.  And a couple times it slam danced vigorously and turned into an Read More

Posted on 30 September 2015 by Michael

not feeling too generous with myself today

Yesterday I had another very helpful but very painful visit with my therapist. “I mean, do I need to put a rubber band around my wrist and start snapping it every time I start to feel anxious?” I asked. The question was only partially rhetorical.  Yes, telling an anxious person to “snap out of it” Read More

Posted on 24 September 2015 by Michael

anxiety currently robs me of snazziness

Sad to say: I have not yet figured out how to feel the level of joy I once felt … before my most recent epic battle with Anxiety and Depression. I’ve covered extensively how I have a new relationship with my bully, Anxiety.  Now, It is an ever-present (feels-like) entity; rather than what had been Read More

Posted on 17 September 2015 by Michael

head full of doubts

If I swore, I’d be cussing up a storm.  If I believed in a god, I’d be looking skyward and yelling. But my yells wouldn’t be loud, angry screams.  They’d be sobbing words that would be barely audible or understandable, “Why me?  I am getting better.  I thought I was getting better!” And I may Read More

Posted on 13 September 2015 by Michael

depression, anxiety, and the changed self

Stay with me here.  This post’s intent is to share a bit about how a severe bout with anxiety and depression can change a person — like change their brain.  And in doing so, coming out / recovering on the other side, a person feels like a different “self.” I’m going to use myself as Read More

Older Posts