Med experiment begins with success, ends with partial failure.

 

Perpetual tiredness and less than sharp reactions to stimuli have become part of my norm. This is the trade-off I’m saddled with to get to experience less Anxiety on a regular basis. That said, for the past several months there’s been less ambient stress in my life.

So I decided to do a one week experiment. With my mental health med doctor’s approval, I am allowed to tinker with one of my meds — I take several — based on how I’m feeling. For even more months than the reduction in ambient stress, I’ve been on a consistent med mix that has allowed me to start most of my days in a decent place — that being no- to low-Anxiety.

Last weekend I decided to start off my day with half the dosage I regularly take of the med I’m allowed to play with. For the first couple days I could tell I was more alert, and I really liked that. But as the days progressed, the Anxiety I felt at the beginning of each day increased. And for the past couple days, I’ve awoken at 2:30 am with my heart racing with every thought that could be blown out of proportion having done so.

The current situation is unsustainable. And so this morning, at 4 am — a regular time for me to wake up because of my regular med mix — I switched back to the prior dosage I’d been taking for months. This will mean a switch back to the tiredness throughout the day and slowed response to stimuli.

I am quite angry.

I am trying not to direct that anger at myself … trying to just be angry at my demon named Anxiety. And then let It go.

But that’s easier said than done.

I guess if there’s one positive take away, it’s that I could probably take the reduced dosage on select days when I really want to be on my game. I’ll ponder that as I stew in tiredness.

 

5 Comments

  1. Cori 13 October 2017 at 10:25 am

    I don`t thint it ever hurts to “play” with our recipe of medication. Just to see what the results may “feel” like. Somtimes the results surprise us. Other times, disapoint us.
    I know when I experiment, I`m so much better able to judge my “baseline”. I like checking in occasionally.
    I admire your courage for at least trying.

     
    • Michael Dahl 13 October 2017 at 3:32 pm

      Cori:

      I would only tinker with my meds if it was okay with my doctor. I just feel that needs to be said.

      Michael

       
  2. Tom Sampson 13 October 2017 at 7:59 pm

    Ideally you will find a med that doesn’t make you tired. I’m praying for that day.

     
  3. Kassie Hurt 14 October 2017 at 8:10 am

    My heart goes out to Michael… I love you and I hate that you go through this.

     
    • Michael Dahl 14 October 2017 at 8:59 am

      Thank you, Kassie. My brain just got wired for this type of life. Hopefully in sharing, I am helping others in the struggle.

       

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